Tag Archives: Army

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Social Media Woes

The past couple of weeks, months really, social media has been a virtual minefield!  Be it the great political divide, or the latest sports team winning or losing, or the announcement of yet another famous person who has died…it’s all been there on social media – the good, the bad, and certainly the ugly.

I generally try to self-moderate what I post on social media – not something everyone does.  I’m a professional, and 99% of what I post on social media I post publicly.  I use the rule of thumb that if I wouldn’t want my grandmother to know it, I shouldn’t post it.  At some point I know that my employer might “look me up”, and so I don’t gripe about my job or the people I work with.  In that same light, my neighbors and community members might look me up – so I don’t post about the funny or annoying things I see or overhear from my property.  I’m also a business owner – actually 2 businesses – and so my customers might look me up, and so I don’t post anything negative about my “competitors”.  If you follow me on Facebook, then you know that I post and share darn near anything related to coffee, many posts about positive, uplifting, empowering sentiments, cute animals, lovely pictures of things in nature, and sometimes things that are just plain hilarious.  I post pictures of my own animals, my family, and my tattoos.  I post a lot of information about MRKH.  And I post about God and prayer.

Remember, my rule of thumb is “would I want my grandmother to know about it”.  Does she know about my tattoos, MRKH, and my belief in God?  Sure, she does.  Yet, somehow…on social media, those are controversial somehow.  They make some people uncomfortable.

I get how tattoos are not for everyone, and the fact that I have ANY tattoos in the first place surprises some people.  Some might even go so far as to say that I’ve violated some sacred rule by getting a tattoo – your body is a temple and all that.  Don’t get me started about piercings! Both are personal expressions, and choices I’ve deliberately made.  Ok, fine, so you don’t like tattoos or piercings, does that mean that now you don’t like ME?  Apparently, for some, yes.

I totally understand how my talk of MRKH can make people uncomfortable.  After all, I talk about “private parts” in public (gasp!).  I use anatomically correct names like vagina, uterus, ovaries, kidneys in regular conversations.  If people start asking questions I go so far as to talk about vaginal dilation, vaginal depth, and sexual intercourse.  Yep, I talk about all those things in public while I’m talking about MRKH, and it makes people uncomfortable – but I also talk about raising awareness, reducing shame, educating our medical providers, and empowering women.

In the past few months, I’ve also posted more openly about my faith – God, Prayer, Forgiveness, and even posted pictures of my own Baptism.  Apparently this also makes people uncomfortable.

I will not apologize for posting things that might make you feel uncomfortable, although it makes me sad to see that some of the people I enjoy seeing in my news feed have now disappeared through the use of the “unfriend” button.  In fact, I find it rather ironic actually.  I self moderate, and intentionally don’t post things I think are likely to stir up an argument.

I don’t post about politics – it’s a topic I dislike discussing.  I’ll not tell you how I voted, or how I feel about the outcome of the elections.  I’ll not forward on memes making fun of or showing blatant disrespect for any politician.  I probably won’t even like a post…even if I find it hilarious or spot on accurate…if I think it will associate me one way or the other to a side of a debate I don’t want to have.  Don’t get me wrong, I have my opinions – I just don’t use social media as an outlet to debate them.

Here are the things I will tell you, knowing full well you may disagree with me on any of them, and THAT’S OK with me!

  • I am a Christian, and believe that Jesus died for me on that cross, and someday he will come back for me.
  • I believe in equal rights for all humans, genders, races, cultures, religions, and sexual orientations.
  • I believe in marriage and the commitment and fidelity it implies – no matter who you love.
  • I believe in the right to have an abortion if you feel justified.
  • I believe that couples who struggle with any form of infertility should have access to treatments including IVF, Surrogacy, and Transplants when medically necessary – and it shouldn’t cost the proverbial arm and a leg for it!
  • I believe our country needs quality, comprehensive, and accessible healthcare for everyone regardless of income level.
  • I believe our country needs quality, comprehensive, and accessible education for everyone regardless of income level.
  • I believe in responsible gun ownership, and the ability to both protect and provide for yourself and your family.
  • I believe everyone should be conscientious stewards of our planet and our natural resources.
  • I believe everyone is entitled to their opinions, and their right to share them publicly if they choose to do so.

Bottom line, I am a strong and independent woman.  I self identify as a happily married, tattooed and pierced, heterosexual woman, a Christian, a gun owner, an Army veteran, an MRKH warrior, a business owner, a coffee and wine lover, an animal lover, and an advocate for others just like – or very different – from me!

Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe in – just do it with dignity, respect, and love.  Wouldn’t our world be a better place if we all did it this way?

 

 

 

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Dusty Boxes

It’s the holiday season, so I think we can all relate to that stack of dusty boxes in the loft that waits for me every year.  Lights, decorations, ornaments, Christmas CDs, the fake tree, and all that entails preparing for the holidays.

This year as I headed up the stairs to the loft, flashlight in hand, I was also looking for another box that had stuff from high school in it.  I was actually looking for the old hymnal my grandmother had given me when her church bought a new set.  I’m not sure why exactly I was looking for the hymnal, it just seemed like a good idea.

I found the Christmas boxes, and specifically the box with ornaments and CDs in it.  I set that one aside, and rummaged through the other boxes to make sure there wasn’t some treasure I needed from them.  Nope, I had what I wanted.  I started looking around to see if the high school box was near by and readily identifiable.  Shifted a few things around and SCORE!!!!  There it was.

I cleared out a spot, and popped the top off….anxious to take this little walk down memory lane in search of my hymnal.  Sure enough, there were the expected Madonna and Cyndi Lauper albums (yes, vinyl….), Phil Collins of course, Air Supply, Twisted Sister, and some others – I had a wide range in musical tastes.  The box of dominos was in there, a few things from the Class of 89 after party that my BFF gave me.  Some much loved books – the Little House on the Prairie series, my I, Monty book, the infamous No Flying in the House book from second grade (I “borrowed it” from my teachers library…but in my defense when I got in touch with her about 10 years ago, she said I didn’t have to return it!) , a few paperback romances, JrROTC text books, my child’s bible from Vacation Bible School, but sadly….no hymnal.  A little disappointed, I started flipping through some other folders and paperwork that was also in that box from my time in the military.  Promotion certificates, award honors, and that sort of thing.  And then I found a copy of my medical records from when I was in the Army.  I kept a copy of it all since I had so much trouble with my shoulders and needed to have accurate records before the VA took over my file.

I started looking through the medical records, and then thought….hmmm…I wonder if my MRKH stuff is in there too?  I know I had to get copies of much of it before I joined…so maybe….  Sure enough, towards the back I did find copies of some things.  I kind of took a deep breath, and sat down to read it more carefully.  I hadn’t seen this paperwork in 25 years.

Wednesday, Feb 22, 1989

Pelvic Ultrasound:  Real time examination of the pelvis demonstrates a pelvic right kidney which is otherwise unremarkable.  Left kidney is normally positioned and also unremarkable.  I can identify no uterus or ovaries.  I do not see a normal-appearing vaginal canal.  No fluid or mass is seen in the pelvis.  It is possible that very tiny structures are present and are not within the resolution of the sonographic examination.  Other means of evaluation should be made.  If a cervical os is visible on pelvic examination then hysterosalpingography may be of further use in identifying and delineating the uterus.  Clinical correlation recommended.

Conclusion:  No uterus or ovaries are identified at sonographic exam.  See above comments.  

(note: Hysterosalpingography (HSG) is a radiologic procedure to investigate the shape of the uterine cavity and the shape and patency of the fallopian tubes. It entails the injection of a radio-opaque material into the cervical canal and usually fluoroscopy with image intensification.  I did NOT have this done.)

March 27, 1989 – Dr. L’s office, OBGYN

18yo F amenorrhea, concerned.

Bloodwork done – seen without chart!

US – Small uterus – ovaries not seen – according to mom

Exam:  Breast:  Nl development

Abd:  Soft no masses

Pelvic:  Vulva – virginal Bas – 0

Vagina – short, 1 1/2 cm no cx

cx – not seen ? felt

Corpus?

RV ? uterus & ovaries small if present

Imp:  R-K-H Syndrome (Rokitansky – Kuster-Hauser)

Plan:  FSH, LH, Prolactin, DHEA, Serum T, Thyroid Panel.  Will need diagnostic laparoscopy to confirm.

 

Operation Report: 5/16/89 Dr. L

Preoperative diagnosis:  Mullerian agenesis; primary amenoorrhea

Postoperative diagnosis:  Same; the syndrome is called the Mayer – Rokitansky-Hauser syndrome.

Operation:  Diagnostic laparoscopy

Surgeon: Dr L.

Description of the Operation:  Under general anesthesia the patient was prepped and draped in the usual manner.  Examination of the patient’s genitalia showed normal-appearing external genitalia, but indeed the vagina did end in a blind pouch approximately 1cm in length, with no communication that could be seen with any other structures at the end of this pouch.  Attention was then turned to the abdomen, where a 1 cm periumbilical skin incision was made.  A Verres needle was inserted, and a pneumoperitoneum was created for three liters of carbon dioxide.  A secondary puncture was placed in order to place a probe into the abdomen to allow better maneuvering of pelvic organs.  It could be immediately seen that there was no normal-appearing uterus.  The bladder was seen.  There was no evidence of endometriosis or adhesions.  Attention was turned to the right side.  Along the right sidewall one could see a normal-appearing ovary with some evidence of old corpus luteum, a normal-appearing tube and what was thought to be a very small rudimentary horn of the uterus.  This was smaller than the uterus and had no communication with the vagina.  Attention was turned to the opposite side, where again along the sidewall was the left ovary, along with a normal-appearing tube and again a very small rudimentary horn of the uterus.  These two horns were not connected, nor were they connected to the vagina in any way.  This fits the classic syndrome of Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser syndrome.  The remainder of the pelvis and upper abdomen were inspected.  The appendix appeared normal.  There was  bulge where I though very possibly the right pelvic kidney was seen.  The liver and gallbladder appeared normal, as did the upper dome of the diaphragm.  No other abnormalities were seen, and with this the procedure was terminated.  The patient was taken to the Recovery Room in satisfactory condition. 

 

And just like that.  I was diagnosed with MRKH.  As I’ve posted before, I met with the doctor a week or so later and we discussed my diagnosis and “treatment plan” as it were.

There were a few other pages in my medical records that discussed fertility and that sort of thing, but nothing with much detail.  IVF and surrogacy were still so new in the early 90s that it wasn’t really an option we could have considered – especially since I was active duty military, and my marriage kind of blew apart at about that same time.  I think the chart note reads, “just exploring options for childbearing and will probably pursue adoption since surrogacy isn’t widely available.”  Pretty much sums up my infertility treatment while I was in the Army.  It was probably about this same time that I blew out my shoulders, and the next 100+ pages of my medical record details all of that.

It was interesting to me to see these early MRKH records of mine.  Morbid curiosity as much as anything, and I was wondering what the date of my surgery was.  That was the day that I remember vividly hearing that for sure I did not have a uterus.  I don’t think he told me the MRKH syndrome part until my follow up appointment, but I knew the day of my surgery that I would never carry a child.  I’m not sure why I feel better knowing what day that happened.  I don’t know if it was the relief of the knowledge/confirmation, or the start of the grieving/loss associated with knowing for sure.  Either way, I now know that May 16th was the day my life changed forever…at least in that respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Newton’s Law

Newton’s first law of motion – the law of inertia:  An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

Newton’s second law of motion:  The acceleration of an object as produced by a net force is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force, in the same direction as the net force, and inversely proportional to the mass of the object.

Newton’s third law:  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

 

So why exactly am I discussing physics???

Well, because it can be directly and metaphorically related to our own lives.

1st law:  inertia…an object at rest stays at rest, an object in motion stays in motion.  If you do nothing to change the path you are on, you just keep going in the same direction.  It is the inaction that perpetuates the action.

2nd law:  acceleration:  the speed at which you move is directly proportional to the amount of force you put into it.  If you exert more force/energy, the change will happen faster.

3rd law:  for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Think about a high 5 among 2 people.  Each raises their hand in opposing directions, shifts their hands forward to meet, and then rebounds/retracts back from the contact.  If one person uses more force, the other absorbs that impact and must respond with increased force to counterbalance it.

When we look at our lives along a continuum, we see times of inertia, we see times of acceleration, and we see times of adaptation or reactions.  Depending on the amount of effort we put into a task will determine where it falls on our life’s continuum.

OK, back to the matter at hand…or “What the hell are you talking about, Heidi?”  Well, it’s simple really: Your life isn’t going to change until you make an effort to change it.  You will be stuck in inertia until you do something to accelerate change.

I was stuck in a relationship, developing a pattern that unless I took steps to change things, was going to just continue on in that basic state of existing but not really accomplishing anything.  In my last post I talked about desiring change and left you with the line “Thoughts turn to intentions, intentions turn to action, and action compels momentum.”

When I finally decided that I needed to get out of the relationship, and that I had no real future with him, lots of things changed.  I gained confidence knowing the end was in sight.  I still had a warped sense of responsibility – that so much of it was my fault, thus I had this compelling need to ensure that he was “set up” for being without me (self importance, much?).  So I encouraged him again to “get a better job or go home to your dad.”  I made the suggestion to him that maybe he should consider going back into the military – after all an E-4 is an E-4 no matter what job you did in which branch.  I told him that you know, if he joined the army and did all the paperwork, we could probably be stationed together.  It was step one in my acceleration plan: Get him to join, to have a commitment and a job to do that was honorable.

This isn’t one of Newton’s Laws, but you know the saying, everything happens for a reason?  Well, I firmly believe this is true.  I believe that people come into and out of our lives for a reason.  I believe we have experiences that shape us and prepare us for future experiences.  We may not always see the value of the experience in the moment it happens, but looking back, if we remain open minded, we see that we must have these experiences in order to shape our lives.

So the short story is this:  He joined the military and went to training.  He was supposed to fill out spousal accommodation paperwork.  He didn’t.  He got orders for Korea.  He wouldn’t deny the orders or ask for spousal accommodation.  He came back to Colorado for leave, and we couldn’t see eye to eye on anything, we fought constantly, and it was a miserable time.  Bottom line we agreed that it was time to file for divorce.  He took his belongings and went to stay with a friend.  Over the course of about 2 weeks we completed all the necessary paperwork and filed for divorce.  It was inevitable.  I have never seen him face to face since the day we left the courthouse after filing the petition for divorce together (uncontested).  90 days later we would be divorced officially.  He left for Korea a few days later.

Over the next couple of months there was additional paperwork to be filed in order for his personal belongings to be picked up and shipped to his home of record, and other reasons that we needed to speak and coordinate.  I wanted it all to be over, his stuff to be gone, and the chapter to be closed for good.  He hung on, not wanting the relationship to end.  He was away from home and family, stationed in Korea, and called “just because” fairly regularly.  I asked him not to call.  His stuff was gone, the divorce was nearly final, I wanted closure.  I wanted to move on with my life without the constant interruption from him.

I was dating, enjoying my new found freedom in being 21 and unattached.  I had a social life, friends, weekend activities, my life in the Army of course. I was taking college courses and doing as much training as I could to further my career.  And several times a week in the middle of the night usually, my phone would ring.  He would be on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s me”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing really, just wondering how you are.”

“I’m not sure that’s any of your business anymore, especially at 2am”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t think about what time it is.”

“Right, did you need something?”

“Ummm, so my dad said that the shipment arrived last week.”

“and….”

“Well, ummm, I thought you should know.”

“Look, in another week the divorce will be final.  Your stuff is gone.  Your car is sold. We have nothing left to discuss, especially not at 2am.”

“well, ok, I just thought…”

“Well stop.  You need to stop calling me.  It’s over between us.  I just want to move on with my life.”

We had a lot of conversations like that.  Random phone calls in the middle of the night, wondering how I’m doing, if I’m ok.  He just did not get the message that it was OVER.  I had moved on.  I told him repeatedly to stop calling.  Eventually I used the strongest threat I possibly could.  I threatened to call his commanding officer to alert him of my intention to file a restraining order.  Our divorce was final.  Our financial matters were resolved.  His stuff was no longer in my possession. It was over.  If he called me again, no matter the reason I would petition for a restraining order and call his commanding officer.

He never did call me again.  Our divorce was final in September of 1993.  I have talked to him on the phone perhaps 5 times since that day, mostly regarding the fact that he still had me listed as an authorized user on one of his credit card accounts, and it was showing up on my credit report, and his bill collectors were calling ME 15 years later.  I think that I may have seen him in public one time about 5 years after the divorce, but I very quickly turned the opposite direction (in my car) and drove away.  That would be Newton’s 3rd law – for every action (me seeing him) there was an equal and opposite reaction (me turning the other way and driving off).

Thoughts turn to intentions, intentions turn to action, and action compels momentum.

Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome.

Whenever I’m faced with a dilemma, I often spend a lot of time analyzing, and considering what options I have.  I spend a lot of time thinking about how a particular course of action might play out, what the consequences might be, potential reactions, and how that will affect the next steps.  Once I’ve analyzed to death multiple courses of action, I generally settle on one and move forward.

My life is NOT what I expected it to be when I started my senior year of high school.  Life threw me a few curve balls along the way, but after many deliberations, choices, missteps, do-overs, and triumphs…I am content with my life and the continued path my life is on.  I will continue to improvise on the fly, adapt to changes, and overcome my obstacles.  It’s what I do.  I’m an MRKH Warrior.