Tag Archives: BYMRKH

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The Day That Changed My Life

We all have defining moments in our lives; ones that shape us into who we are at the very core. Experiences that drive change – sometimes good change, sometimes regrettable change – but change nonetheless. Over the course of my life I’ve had several such moments, and I’ve weighed in my heart and mind which are the ones that have changed me the most. Unquestionably, the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of 10 was a turning point in my life. When I was baptized two years ago, it was another moment of remarkable change in choosing who I wanted to be and what direction I wanted my life to take. But those were conscious choices to change – rooted in what has developed into an incredible faith-life that is spent fulfilling my purpose to glorify God.

Today, I’d like to take you back 30 years – to a day that changed my life, and I had no choice in the matter.

May 16, 1989 – my good friend Janine picked me up in the early morning and drove me to the hospital for a scheduled out-patient surgery. We arrived at the hospital and checked in for my diagnostic laparoscopy. When I woke up in the recovery room, I was given the news that I did not have a uterus. This is the day that MRKH entered my life.

I probably sum it up best on my Courageous page –
On that day I was told that I was born without a uterus, cervix, and the upper 2/3 of my vaginal canal – I had a birth defect that no one could see, and I would never be able to carry a child. On that day, my world quietly shattered. My hopes, my dreams, my plans, everything I thought I would or could do with my life…shattered. Yet, somehow my life continued. As I look back on my young life, the things I did and didn’t do…I look back at a young woman who learned to be Courageous.

In so many ways MRKH has shaped my life. I have grieved deeply over a life changed by MRKH. I have faced off with clinical depression. I have lived through abusive relationships. I have conquered fears. I have learned that not only does MRKH mean I won’t have a period or carry a child, but for me it also means I have kidney abnormalities and joint and skeletal issues as well. Over the course 30 years I’ve had 7 additional surgeries because my body wears out joints very quickly. When I was 23 the sports medicine doctor who operated on my shoulders said that I had the shoulder joints of a 60 year old. (um…thanks???) When I was 41 the podiatrist had to fuse my toe because the joint was so damaged there was no saving it. Last year (9 months ago actually) I had my spine fused because of degenerative disk disease and spondylolithesis.

But this post is not about the details of my entire medical history (there are plenty of posts about that in the archives) – this post is about looking back and reflecting on the day I was diagnosed with MRKH and how over time, I’ve made the best with what God has given me.

For starters, I’m still blessed to call Janine one of my best friends, all these years later. Turns out she struggled with infertility too, and ultimately adopted 2 beautiful children. She has been a solid rock in my world for some of the most trying times, and even when we go years without visiting in person, we still pick up right where we left off. She encourages me, prays with me, and reminds me that God puts the right people in our lives exactly when we need them.

While I ultimately never became a mother for all variety of reasons, I have spent my life working with youth and young adults in a wide range of rolls. I’ve been a mentor and not a mother. I’ve been a 4-H leader. I’ve worked with our teen-girls youth group. I’m blessed to be an aunt to 3 awesome nephews, and 2 beautiful nieces, one of which gave me a great-nephew too! I’ve worked for the last 15 years in a university setting where I work with students training to be teachers. This past spring one of my students said this to me, ” I love how you’ve developed your life story into one in which your career ultimately focuses so heavily on flowering integral intellectual fertility within the minds of countless kids, both within Washington and beyond. ” That one got me right in the feels. All of these experiences have given me the chance to influence many more lives in my lifetime. And I love that I can watch these folks grow and prosper in their own lives. I celebrate their victories, watch them graduate, get married, and I pray with them when things get rough.

As I’ve journeyed through my 40s, I’ve felt the impact of MRKH in a variety of ways. I’ve probably experienced the most change and healing during this time. I’ve accepted that I’m a mentor and not a mother. I’ve focused my life on physical and emotional healing. I’ve had 4 surgeries (both feet and my back) that have tested my resilience. I’ve fought through depression and grieved the death of some incredible people and beloved pets. I got a full sleeve MRKH tattoo. I’ve come to rely on the grace of Jesus to get through everything life throws at me. I found other MRKH sisters just like me, and ultimately partnered with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation to create the Courageous Project. I can’t begin to tell you difference in my life that has made. Sharing my story. Raising awareness. Meeting some incredible women – Amy, Kay, Christina, Dawn, Hailee, Ang, Britt, Erin, Jaclyn, Kristen, Jen, Barb, Chrissy, Allison, MaryBetsy, Kristen, Lizzie, Ayala, Hanah, Krystina, Elyce, Christie, Lyndsay, Lindsey, Julie, and so many others. The love that we share, the way we support each other, the hugs, the laughs, the tears…it has been, and continues to, inspire and change me.

And when I truly embraced who I was – that is when I surrendered it all to God. I’ve grown as a woman and sought to serve God’s Kingdom. I’ve launched a women’s ministry through a Facebook group of MRKH sisters – MRKH Journey through Faith and started a women’s ministry group at our church we call Ladies’ Night In. I’ve been ordained and serve as Head of the Board of Deacons for our church. I’ve completed training and been commissioned as a Stephens Minister. I’ve never been as complete and fulfilled as I am today.

30 years after learning that I had Meyer Rokitanksy Kuster Houser Syndrome, today I’m living my best life.

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Directions

I’ve been contemplating this post for a while.  Well, honestly, several posts – but I haven’t been sure of the direction I wanted to take.  Often this blog acts as a journal for me, allowing me to share and process my thoughts.  Sometimes it serves to address a particular topic or event.  Often it’s completely random.

In my life, and probably in yours too, things happen and our focus shifts a bit.  Sometimes it’s a quick detour, and sometimes it’s quite the journey before we realize that we strayed far from what out target was.  I’m kind of in that place – in another cycle of living my life where it really doesn’t look a whole lot like what I imagined a few years ago.  Crazy how that works sometimes…but work it does.

Over the course of my life I’ve gone through counseling several different times, in order to help me “deal with stuff”.  The stuff is the variable here.  And the type of counseling I’ve done has varied too.  But pretty much you go to a stranger, you begin to build trust, and that stranger becomes a trusted confidant.  And then you start to dig through the layers of “stuff” that is holding you back in your current season of life – hopefully with the goal of dealing with it and getting back to a level of normal you set.  Been there, done that.  I’ve worked through issues of abuse.  I’ve worked through financial ick.  I’ve worked through grief.  I’ve worked through issues of weight and body image.  I’ve worked through infertility.  I’ve worked through failed relationships.  I’ve grown, and I’ve healed.  I’ve changed.  And for the most part, it’s all been for the greater good.  Sure there has been some pain – some regrets – some things I can’t take back no matter how badly I’d like to.  But it’s all been my life.

In the past few months I’ve done a lot of personal reflection, and made some changes and choices that have effected more change.  It’s been quite the process.  I honestly believe that change and growth is a good thing.  We need to challenge ourselves, take calculated risks, and take action.  And sometimes that is a complete upheaval – a major change…and sometimes it’s a just a small shift that has the potential for gigantic ripple effects.  A shift in my life and my priorities has precipitated ripples in so many other aspects of my life I wasn’t expecting.

I took a stand in my heart and mind that shifted my focus to my faith in God, and my place in this world as a Christian woman.  Openly doing so, has opened the door to so much more, and has guided other choices and has given me a sense of peace that had been lacking for many years.  It released burdens, and opened my heart to alternatives.  It gave me direction and purpose that was focused on others and not on myself.  It has brought up some questions too, of course.  All changes come with challenges, and I’ve tried to embrace them all.

Most of you know of my Courageous Project with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation.  I love this with my whole heart.  I love that through the medium of soapmaking I can make a tangible difference for women like myself who have MRKH.  I love that I can donate money to an organization that was instrumental in my personal growth, and that I can continue to touch lives.  Over the last few months, sales have dropped off considerably, and I take responsibility for that.  I haven’t spent much time or energy promoting it.  But in the greater picture – I haven’t done much at all in my soap business as a whole- I skipped a couple of craft shows this summer to allow me time to focus on family and other obligations.  That will be changing soon, as the fall craft show season is starting up in a couple of weeks!

One of my “other obligations” this summer was attending the Seattle MRKH conference.  What an incredible weekend, with some lovely women.  I will be posting about that weekend here on the blog soon – much of the content is already written actually.  So stay tuned for that.

This summer I also worked with some of those same lovely women and together we created a Christian support group on Facebook called MRKH Journey through Faith.  I felt the need to form a community of women who shared both Christ and MRKH…and where we could encourage each other to grow in our Faith and to work toward healing the wound that MRKH often is in our lives.  We have continued to grow and add members, and it’s been a wonderful way to connect on a deeper level with each other.

I’ve had some other big things in my life this summer, big changes, new opportunities, and tons of personal growth.  I hope to share more with you over the next few months some of these directions my life is headed.

Have a blessed day!!!

 

 

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Now Serving

It’s no secret that I LOVE to cook, especially for other people.  I enjoy fixing my husband a home cooked meal nearly every night.  I enjoy cooking for potlucks, parties, events, and just because.  But this isn’t really the service I’m thinking about today.

It’s approaching Memorial Day Weekend here in the US, and while it’s officially the kick off to summer with BBQ, camping, gardening, lawn mowing, and that sort of thing – it’s also the recognition of our service men and women and the jobs they do and have done for generations to protect out freedom.  But this isn’t really the service I’m thinking about today.

Today I’m thinking about serving others, and by doing so, also serving God.  I’m here to fulfill a purpose.  To do something bigger than myself.  To make a difference.  To impact someones life.  To enrich my own life.

The happiest people are those who do the most for others. – Booker T. Washington

Booker T. Washington was an American educator, author, orator, and an adviser to presidents of the United States.  He was from the last generation of black American leaders born into slavery and he became the leading voice of the former slaves and their descendants. His work in the late 1800s and early 1900s paved the way for the civil rights movement of the 1950s.  While some would characterize him as a political machine, it is clear to me that his life work was about supporting and serving the former slaves and setting the groundwork for establishing equal rights among all people in the US.  He instigated great change, and served others.  He was also a Christian man.  This quote is from his autobiography Up From Slavery, “If no other consideration had convinced me of the value of the Christian life, the Christlike work which the Church of all denominations in America has done during the last thirty-five years for the elevation of the black man would have made me a Christian.”  What a powerful testament, to both his own belief, but also to his life work serving the black community.

This is the kind of service I’m thinking about today.  How can I serve others while serving God?  What is my service roll in this great world?  What is my potential impact and how does it fit into God’s plan?  Sure, these are big questions, but shouldn’t we all be asking them?  Do we not all want to make a difference in this world?  We can’t all be as influential as Booker T. Washington and end up on the pages of history texts, or can we?

It starts small, a tiny mustard seed of faith, that grows into a mighty bush.  A flickering thought, a small change we can make today may just incite a movement.  One tiny pebble makes a ripple across still water that is exponentially greater than it’s own size.

As I think about serving others, it seems like such a grand concept, especially compared to someone like Booker T. Washington.  But it doesn’t have to be.

It can start as a simple act of courtesy.  Hold the door open for the person behind you.  Pick up the hat that’s blown off in the wind and return it to the young man scrambling across the parking lot.

Acknowledge the workers in your life – the janitor who cleans the bathrooms at work, the mail delivery person, the trash collector, the greeter at the store, the cashier at bank, the city bus driver, the cops and firemen, all those people who make your life pleasant – and safe – just by doing their job.

Adopt a random act of kindness project.  Pay for a strangers coffee or bus fare.  Leave a generous tip to a hardworking waiter/waitress.  Deliver anonymous flowers to the widow down the street.

Volunteer in your community.  Is there an organization you can join  – a historical society, community improvement group, neighborhood watch group, intramural sports, railroading club, master gardeners, etc.  Get to know your community, and volunteer for positions of action and/or leadership.

In my life…I try to be courteous and friendly, I do random acts of kindness and pay it forward kinds of things regularly.  I am active in my church, helping out with potlucks and organizing things.  I work with our teen girls ministry as a mentor, and am very active in our women’s ministry as well.   In the MRKH community I spend time conversing with and mentoring younger MRKH sisters, and building bonds with sisters around the world.  I’ve also partnered with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation with the Courageous Project to raise money to support and empower women with MRKH.  All these areas of service fuel my spirit, and I often feel that the payout for me is much greater than the work I put into it.

I grow.

I pray.

I heal.

I forgive.

I praise.

I love.

I rejoice.

I serve.

It bears repeating I think, that today I’m thinking about serving others, and by doing so, also serving God.  I’m here to fulfill a purpose.  To do something bigger than myself.  To make a difference.  To impact someones life.  To enrich my own life.

What are you serving today?