Tag Archives: BYMRKH

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Girl Time

Over the course of the last few years, I’ve begun to accept that I can’t get through this life without my girlfriends.  They are there for me time and time again, even when I think I don’t need them…I really do!  And in the last few months in particular, I have made a conscious effort to make girl time a priority.  And my SOUL appreciates it!  No really, it is more important…vital…than I ever expected it to.  I need to laugh, I need to talk, I need to listen, I need to connect on a level that no one quite gets – except my girlfriends.   And you know what, my girlfriends need this too.

This past weekend I did my annual first craft show of the year.  Stress, long hours, hard work, a booth neighbor with migraine inducing lights shining RIGHT IN MY FACE, and hours and hours of talking with the public.  But at the end of the day, I got some much needed girl time with my dear friend Yvonne.  We got caught up on our lives, we talked about snow and spouses, we talked about firewood and flooding, and we laughed and cried a little, drank some wine and had some really good long hugs!

Also last weekend, my best friend on the planet, Eileen sent me a text – Hi Honey, how are you?  Are you ok?  My BFF-ESP kicked in….  Awww…how does she always know???  Because she knows me so well, and we really are connected soul-deep.  I assured her I was fine, told her about the craft show, the lights, and the girl time.  We set a phone call date for Tuesday.  On Tuesday we laughed and got caught up on the last week or so, talked about spouses and work obligations, summer plans, we laughed and cried a little, we talked about priorities and standing up for myself.  We made plans to talk again next week.

And also last weekend, we had Girls Night In at church.  Its our new women’s ministry group where we host a monthly get together for ourselves and women in the community.  We laugh and play crazy games.  We spend some time in the sanctuary talking about God and the role of women in the bible, and in our lives.  We eat fabulous food, and we laugh and talk and pray.  This month we also planted flowers to celebrate spring, and talked about some options for service projects – and you know what came out as the favorite idea?  Working with organizations to support disadvantaged women and children in our area.  Not sure what that will look like exactly – but I’m sure some “drive” of some sort to collect things women and children need – diapers, clothes, feminine hygiene products, toys, blankets, and the like.  I’m excited to work with my friends over the next few months to make a difference in some local lives.   Working on projects together brings us all closer – to each other, and to God.   When we are serving others, we are serving God.

And while I wasn’t able to participate because of my craft show, this past weekend was also another fabulous gathering of girlfriends in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was MRKH Day  – A day of Education, Sharing, and Support for people with MRKH.  This special day is sponsored by the OB/GYN department, Gynecology division of Michigan Medicine In cooperation with Beautiful You MRKH Foundation.  A full day of MRKH information and support…for those of us with MRKH and our parents and partners.  The full day conference event is followed by an evening social – you know, the after party!  I haven’t had a chance to attend an MRKH conference yet, but from all the reports of those who attend…they are incredible.  While we all enjoy the online support groups, Facebook friends, and the incredible opportunities for “instant support” we can find on the internet – nothing quite compares to meeting another MRKH woman in person – and a whole house full of them….MIND.BLOWN.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I LOVE my local girlfriends…wine, chocolate, giggles, tears, talks, phone calls, texts, the whole shebang…but when you have something in your life like MRKH…well, you’re always just a little detached from all the other women in the room.  You can’t quite relate to the period talk, or the parenthood talk, or the grandchild stories – and how in the world can they truly relate to us?  They try…with valiant effort…they ask thoughtful questions and try to understand my perspective…but they don’t quite get it.

The first time I got to meet another MRKH woman face to face, 3 of us got together for dinner.  It was effortless – we instantly connected and could relate to each other just like life long friends.  We laughed, talked about diagnosis and treatment, life choices and having our choices taken away.  It’s been close to 3 years since that encounter….I’ll let Jen tell it, as I think she summed it up perfectly!  http://humoringmylife.blogspot.com/2014/08/mrkh-meeting.html  I’ve met up with others since then a handful of times.  And each time it’s the same kind of instant connection.  And each time I spend some girl time with MRKH women, I heal just a little bit more.

That’s what girl time is about I think – it’s restorative.  It’s a chance to look at life from different angles….share the heavy burdens….get some insight from trusted friends.  While I love my husband and family dearly, and love to spend time with them – nothing quite compares to girl time.

I’ll leave you with this song by the incomparable Reba McEntire – it’s a new favorite!

 

 

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Thoughts on Strength

 

Physical strength is the power of physics at work – the ability to exert or resist force.  That one is simple.  You have the strength to life an object, or to hold a door shut while someone pushes from the other side.  It’s arm wrestling at its finest!

Mental strength is a bit hard to quantify, but it is still the ability to exert or resist force isn’t it?  It’s pulling your tired self out of bed in the morning, resisting that strong pull of your pillow and warm blankets.  It’s the ability to keep silent when you REALLY want to comment on the color of that teenager’s hair.    It’s the ability to stand up in front of people and make a presentation.  And it’s also the ability to quietly say…I need help.

Strength is another of those buzzwords in my life, and yes, another of the words I included in my latest tattoo.  I think that I’ve evolved into a strong woman, and that many people see my strength but don’t stop and think about where it comes from.  Physical strength comes from gradually building up muscles to exert and resist force.  Mental strength is the result of that same gradual build up.  You rush past the easy stuff, you work a little harder at some things, and then there are times you have to dig really deep to get through it.  But you do get through it…stronger.  When I talked about Courage last month, I said that “Mental courage is the strength it takes to be brave, the faith it takes to believe, and the willingness to see it through.”  Huh…so mental courage and mental strength are pretty similar…what do you know?  But really, without that inner strength – it’s hard to muster up the courage.

I’ve had lots of experiences that have built up my mental strength characteristics.  MRKH for sure, but before that too.  I was bullied as a kid – probably most of us have been in some form or another.  I was teased for being poor, for puberty acne, for being a farm kid, for my haircut, and for being friends with the less popular kids.  But through the teasing and bullying, I learned compassion and empathy, and I stuck up for others, and sometimes even myself. I had to learn to be strong even when I didn’t feel like it.  When our dog died, and I still had to go to school.  When my grandfather died, and I still had to go to school. When a girl in our school was a victim of a murder, and I came home from school and NO ONE WAS HOME. When my brother got drunk at a rock concert, and he still had to go to school the next day.  When my other brother crashed head first into a mail box post while sledding, ending up in the hospital with a fractured skull, yep, I still had to go to school.   And when I knew I was different, because I never got my period…but waited another 3 years before finding out it was MRKH, and yep – I still went to school the next day!  🙂

I do see myself as a strong woman now, but  in choosing the words for my tattoo, I chose ones that would remind me of my journey and be a continual source of encouragement.  And it’s a vehicle for me to talk about my MRKH journey with others when they see my tattoo.  They can see and understand the words, but they may not recognize the BYMRKH flower logo.  I take any and all opportunities to show off my ink, and of course to talk about MRKH.

Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.  ~ Harriet Tubman

Philippians 4:13  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Psalm 118:14  The LORD is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.

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Thoughts on Courage

Websters says Courage is mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

Wikipedia says Courage (also called bravery or valor) is the choice and willingness to confront agony, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It goes on to say that physical courage is bravery in the face of physical pain, hardship, death or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, discouragement, or personal loss.

Urban Dictionary says that Courage is the ability to confront pain, fear, humiliation, or anything else a person would naturally stay away from. Can be divided into Mental and Physical courage. Mental Courage encompasses threats, attacks, and discomfort of the mind. Physical Courage is pain, hardship, torture, and death.

So there seem to be 2 categories, right?  Mental and Physical.  Makes sense, I guess.  With both mental and physical courage, it is the ability/choice/willingness to confront something.  Just do it according to Nike.  Get ‘R Done if you ask Larry.  I think it’s pretty clear in my mind about physical courage.  You just take a deep breath and do it – trusting the outcome you are conditioned for.  Rip the band aid off – knowing it will rip the hairs out, but quickly.  Jump in the pool, knowing the water will be cool and refreshing.  Stumble through the dark to flip the light switch.  To me physical courage is bravery, but talking about mental courage – that’s a different animal all together in my mind.  Mental courage is the strength it takes to be brave, the faith it takes to believe, and the willingness to see it through.

Courage is obviously a buzz word in my life.  I have it tattooed on my arm.  I used it in naming my blog.  I use it as a brand for my Courageous project with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation. It’s a word I easily identify with, and in many ways it’s how I approach my life.  Websters says courage is the mental strength to venture and persevere.  If you had asked me about courage a few years ago, I might not have given it much thought.  I probably wouldn’t have thought that my actions or choices could be viewed as courageous.  I wouldn’t have felt like I could be an inspiration to anyone, or that people would think I was brave and strong.  I was pretty comfortable with myself and my life, but I hadn’t found my niche. I was quietly searching – but for what, I didn’t know.   Always curious (it’s a sign of intelligence they say!), I was wandering around the internet when I found the Beautiful You MRKH pages.  I started reading, and I started making connections, and I was inspired by the bravery and the strength of these women who were publicly talking about MRKH.  The more I read, the more I started to comment – and as I did, I could instantly see the effect of sharing my experiences helped.  I grew more comfortable talking about my own journey, and naturally I began really digging back through my own history.  As I reflected on my own life, and the choices I have made all along – I recognized my own strength, resilience, and the way I faced each challenge was saturated with courage.    The courage to be strong and brave – without knowing the outcome.

I have the courage to talk openly about MRKH and it’s roll in my life.  I will answer any honest question, even the embarrassing ones.  I will use terms that might make you blush, but I do this  knowing that knowledge is power.  I will tell you that I talk so openly in an effort to educate, but more importantly to reduce the shame many women feel when they receive their diagnosis.  I want to empower and celebrate women with MRKH.

MRKH shaped my own life, in many ways I don’t even fully understand all the implications it has, as they seem to change as the years go by.   As a teen, MRKH made me feel like an outsider, a freak.  I never got initiated into the world of periods and staining white pants, needing a pad or a tampon in my purse.  And then there is the whole stretch your vagina in order to be able to have sex…yeah, not one of my friends could have related to that!  That was a quiet and personal shameful journey I had to take completely on my own.  As a young woman, MRKH made me a medical oddity, a freak.  I had to jump through all kinds of hoops just to join the Army – not to mention exploring options for starting a family.  It came to a point where I pretty much just put MRKH on a shelf, and refused to give it any attention at all – because it was just too painful – but putting it on a shelf didn’t solve anything.  In fact, the avoidance tactic just made things worse in the long run.

As I have said many times, when I do take the time to sit back and reflect on my life, I see that I really did have a lot of strength and resilience.  I got through a whole slew of challenges with just blind faith…wait, that’s Courage.

The word courage evokes quite an image for me.  I see strength, honor, dignity.  I see brave men and women fighting in our armed forces.  I see brave men and women fleeing war-torn countries.  I see people taking a stand for what they believe in.  I see proud hard working people achieving their dreams of a better life for themselves and their families.

I will leave you with my all-time favorite courage quote from the incomparable Amelia Earhart:

Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.