Thinking about the future

Have been doing my physical therapy each morning like a good little patient.  Making sure I spend time walking throughout the day, do some gentle yoga a few times a week on my non PT days.  The more I move, the better I feel.  Standing around, sitting around only makes me stiff and uncomfortable.

My PT Danielle has still been out sick after her trip, so I have been bounced around to whomever is available in the meantime.  I’ve seen some assistants, some PTs, and then last week none of the openings would work with my schedule, so I did my exercises on my own, and scheduled a deep tissue massage.

Now this is no foo-foo spa type massage, although I enjoy those too – but a deep tissue massage to really get the muscles, and more importantly the nerves to release.  I was a mess, holding lots of tension deep in my muscles from months and months of pre-op sciatica spasms, and then the whole post-surgical lock down of all the muscles trying to protect my back.  Chronic pain will do that, you just tighten everything up without thinking….but at some point it needs to release.  Jerry spent a good hour and some change starting with my feet and working up to my shoulders and upper back.  I had knots deep in my calves, thighs, hips, butt, and beneath my shoulder blades.  He was able to get most of them worked out, but it left me with some pretty tender spots for a few days as they healed.  I’m feeling better now, but anxious to get back to m PT appointments with Danielle.  Hopefully no more last minute cancellations for her.

I’m anxious to work more on flexibility and strength building – I know I need the core strengthening and stability, but I’d like to work on rebuilding strength and flexibility, and find some things I can integrate into my preferred yoga and walking and spin bike work – rather than just the clinical do this many reps of this particular exercise.  I know I need both, but I’d sure like to feel like I’m adapting to real life again.

I’ve also been preparing to get back to soap making.  I need to order a few oils and supplies, which I will do this week, and then hopefully next week I can make a batch or two of soap.  I made the decision not to do any craft shows this fall, which feels a little strange honestly, but I knew I needed time to heal completely.  My intent was that I could then take the time this fall and winter to stock back up on soap, and be ready for spring without all the normal chaos of trying to squeeze it in.  I have a couple orders for Courageous MRKH soaps that I need to fill, an order of foot cream I need to make, and then just start working on restocking and getting caught up on production for spring.

I feel like I’m making good progress, able to think less about the specifics of recovery – and more about what my future looks like with a fused spine.  How to regain my strength and flexibility, and get back to “normal” life again.  I’m a week shy of 3 months post op, so about 12 weeks post op now.  You know you are far enough down the road to recovery when you think of how many months instead of weeks!  I’m feeling good.  Still have some tired and sore days, still have some days where the nerves are pissed off and I’m uncomfortable.  But they just serve to remind me to be kind to myself, use my ice, rest when I need to, stretch when I need to, and MOVE when I need to – and to rest.

Image result for hebrews 4 9

Directions

I’ve been contemplating this post for a while.  Well, honestly, several posts – but I haven’t been sure of the direction I wanted to take.  Often this blog acts as a journal for me, allowing me to share and process my thoughts.  Sometimes it serves to address a particular topic or event.  Often it’s completely random.

In my life, and probably in yours too, things happen and our focus shifts a bit.  Sometimes it’s a quick detour, and sometimes it’s quite the journey before we realize that we strayed far from what out target was.  I’m kind of in that place – in another cycle of living my life where it really doesn’t look a whole lot like what I imagined a few years ago.  Crazy how that works sometimes…but work it does.

Over the course of my life I’ve gone through counseling several different times, in order to help me “deal with stuff”.  The stuff is the variable here.  And the type of counseling I’ve done has varied too.  But pretty much you go to a stranger, you begin to build trust, and that stranger becomes a trusted confidant.  And then you start to dig through the layers of “stuff” that is holding you back in your current season of life – hopefully with the goal of dealing with it and getting back to a level of normal you set.  Been there, done that.  I’ve worked through issues of abuse.  I’ve worked through financial ick.  I’ve worked through grief.  I’ve worked through issues of weight and body image.  I’ve worked through infertility.  I’ve worked through failed relationships.  I’ve grown, and I’ve healed.  I’ve changed.  And for the most part, it’s all been for the greater good.  Sure there has been some pain – some regrets – some things I can’t take back no matter how badly I’d like to.  But it’s all been my life.

In the past few months I’ve done a lot of personal reflection, and made some changes and choices that have effected more change.  It’s been quite the process.  I honestly believe that change and growth is a good thing.  We need to challenge ourselves, take calculated risks, and take action.  And sometimes that is a complete upheaval – a major change…and sometimes it’s a just a small shift that has the potential for gigantic ripple effects.  A shift in my life and my priorities has precipitated ripples in so many other aspects of my life I wasn’t expecting.

I took a stand in my heart and mind that shifted my focus to my faith in God, and my place in this world as a Christian woman.  Openly doing so, has opened the door to so much more, and has guided other choices and has given me a sense of peace that had been lacking for many years.  It released burdens, and opened my heart to alternatives.  It gave me direction and purpose that was focused on others and not on myself.  It has brought up some questions too, of course.  All changes come with challenges, and I’ve tried to embrace them all.

Most of you know of my Courageous Project with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation.  I love this with my whole heart.  I love that through the medium of soapmaking I can make a tangible difference for women like myself who have MRKH.  I love that I can donate money to an organization that was instrumental in my personal growth, and that I can continue to touch lives.  Over the last few months, sales have dropped off considerably, and I take responsibility for that.  I haven’t spent much time or energy promoting it.  But in the greater picture – I haven’t done much at all in my soap business as a whole- I skipped a couple of craft shows this summer to allow me time to focus on family and other obligations.  That will be changing soon, as the fall craft show season is starting up in a couple of weeks!

One of my “other obligations” this summer was attending the Seattle MRKH conference.  What an incredible weekend, with some lovely women.  I will be posting about that weekend here on the blog soon – much of the content is already written actually.  So stay tuned for that.

This summer I also worked with some of those same lovely women and together we created a Christian support group on Facebook called MRKH Journey through Faith.  I felt the need to form a community of women who shared both Christ and MRKH…and where we could encourage each other to grow in our Faith and to work toward healing the wound that MRKH often is in our lives.  We have continued to grow and add members, and it’s been a wonderful way to connect on a deeper level with each other.

I’ve had some other big things in my life this summer, big changes, new opportunities, and tons of personal growth.  I hope to share more with you over the next few months some of these directions my life is headed.

Have a blessed day!!!

 

 

Girl Time

Over the course of the last few years, I’ve begun to accept that I can’t get through this life without my girlfriends.  They are there for me time and time again, even when I think I don’t need them…I really do!  And in the last few months in particular, I have made a conscious effort to make girl time a priority.  And my SOUL appreciates it!  No really, it is more important…vital…than I ever expected it to.  I need to laugh, I need to talk, I need to listen, I need to connect on a level that no one quite gets – except my girlfriends.   And you know what, my girlfriends need this too.

This past weekend I did my annual first craft show of the year.  Stress, long hours, hard work, a booth neighbor with migraine inducing lights shining RIGHT IN MY FACE, and hours and hours of talking with the public.  But at the end of the day, I got some much needed girl time with my dear friend Yvonne.  We got caught up on our lives, we talked about snow and spouses, we talked about firewood and flooding, and we laughed and cried a little, drank some wine and had some really good long hugs!

Also last weekend, my best friend on the planet, Eileen sent me a text – Hi Honey, how are you?  Are you ok?  My BFF-ESP kicked in….  Awww…how does she always know???  Because she knows me so well, and we really are connected soul-deep.  I assured her I was fine, told her about the craft show, the lights, and the girl time.  We set a phone call date for Tuesday.  On Tuesday we laughed and got caught up on the last week or so, talked about spouses and work obligations, summer plans, we laughed and cried a little, we talked about priorities and standing up for myself.  We made plans to talk again next week.

And also last weekend, we had Girls Night In at church.  Its our new women’s ministry group where we host a monthly get together for ourselves and women in the community.  We laugh and play crazy games.  We spend some time in the sanctuary talking about God and the role of women in the bible, and in our lives.  We eat fabulous food, and we laugh and talk and pray.  This month we also planted flowers to celebrate spring, and talked about some options for service projects – and you know what came out as the favorite idea?  Working with organizations to support disadvantaged women and children in our area.  Not sure what that will look like exactly – but I’m sure some “drive” of some sort to collect things women and children need – diapers, clothes, feminine hygiene products, toys, blankets, and the like.  I’m excited to work with my friends over the next few months to make a difference in some local lives.   Working on projects together brings us all closer – to each other, and to God.   When we are serving others, we are serving God.

And while I wasn’t able to participate because of my craft show, this past weekend was also another fabulous gathering of girlfriends in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was MRKH Day  – A day of Education, Sharing, and Support for people with MRKH.  This special day is sponsored by the OB/GYN department, Gynecology division of Michigan Medicine In cooperation with Beautiful You MRKH Foundation.  A full day of MRKH information and support…for those of us with MRKH and our parents and partners.  The full day conference event is followed by an evening social – you know, the after party!  I haven’t had a chance to attend an MRKH conference yet, but from all the reports of those who attend…they are incredible.  While we all enjoy the online support groups, Facebook friends, and the incredible opportunities for “instant support” we can find on the internet – nothing quite compares to meeting another MRKH woman in person – and a whole house full of them….MIND.BLOWN.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I LOVE my local girlfriends…wine, chocolate, giggles, tears, talks, phone calls, texts, the whole shebang…but when you have something in your life like MRKH…well, you’re always just a little detached from all the other women in the room.  You can’t quite relate to the period talk, or the parenthood talk, or the grandchild stories – and how in the world can they truly relate to us?  They try…with valiant effort…they ask thoughtful questions and try to understand my perspective…but they don’t quite get it.

The first time I got to meet another MRKH woman face to face, 3 of us got together for dinner.  It was effortless – we instantly connected and could relate to each other just like life long friends.  We laughed, talked about diagnosis and treatment, life choices and having our choices taken away.  It’s been close to 3 years since that encounter….I’ll let Jen tell it, as I think she summed it up perfectly!  http://humoringmylife.blogspot.com/2014/08/mrkh-meeting.html  I’ve met up with others since then a handful of times.  And each time it’s the same kind of instant connection.  And each time I spend some girl time with MRKH women, I heal just a little bit more.

That’s what girl time is about I think – it’s restorative.  It’s a chance to look at life from different angles….share the heavy burdens….get some insight from trusted friends.  While I love my husband and family dearly, and love to spend time with them – nothing quite compares to girl time.

I’ll leave you with this song by the incomparable Reba McEntire – it’s a new favorite!