The Day That Changed My Life

We all have defining moments in our lives; ones that shape us into who we are at the very core. Experiences that drive change – sometimes good change, sometimes regrettable change – but change nonetheless. Over the course of my life I’ve had several such moments, and I’ve weighed in my heart and mind which are the ones that have changed me the most. Unquestionably, the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of 10 was a turning point in my life. When I was baptized two years ago, it was another moment of remarkable change in choosing who I wanted to be and what direction I wanted my life to take. But those were conscious choices to change – rooted in what has developed into an incredible faith-life that is spent fulfilling my purpose to glorify God.

Today, I’d like to take you back 30 years – to a day that changed my life, and I had no choice in the matter.

May 16, 1989 – my good friend Janine picked me up in the early morning and drove me to the hospital for a scheduled out-patient surgery. We arrived at the hospital and checked in for my diagnostic laparoscopy. When I woke up in the recovery room, I was given the news that I did not have a uterus. This is the day that MRKH entered my life.

I probably sum it up best on my Courageous page –
On that day I was told that I was born without a uterus, cervix, and the upper 2/3 of my vaginal canal – I had a birth defect that no one could see, and I would never be able to carry a child. On that day, my world quietly shattered. My hopes, my dreams, my plans, everything I thought I would or could do with my life…shattered. Yet, somehow my life continued. As I look back on my young life, the things I did and didn’t do…I look back at a young woman who learned to be Courageous.

In so many ways MRKH has shaped my life. I have grieved deeply over a life changed by MRKH. I have faced off with clinical depression. I have lived through abusive relationships. I have conquered fears. I have learned that not only does MRKH mean I won’t have a period or carry a child, but for me it also means I have kidney abnormalities and joint and skeletal issues as well. Over the course 30 years I’ve had 7 additional surgeries because my body wears out joints very quickly. When I was 23 the sports medicine doctor who operated on my shoulders said that I had the shoulder joints of a 60 year old. (um…thanks???) When I was 41 the podiatrist had to fuse my toe because the joint was so damaged there was no saving it. Last year (9 months ago actually) I had my spine fused because of degenerative disk disease and spondylolithesis.

But this post is not about the details of my entire medical history (there are plenty of posts about that in the archives) – this post is about looking back and reflecting on the day I was diagnosed with MRKH and how over time, I’ve made the best with what God has given me.

For starters, I’m still blessed to call Janine one of my best friends, all these years later. Turns out she struggled with infertility too, and ultimately adopted 2 beautiful children. She has been a solid rock in my world for some of the most trying times, and even when we go years without visiting in person, we still pick up right where we left off. She encourages me, prays with me, and reminds me that God puts the right people in our lives exactly when we need them.

While I ultimately never became a mother for all variety of reasons, I have spent my life working with youth and young adults in a wide range of rolls. I’ve been a mentor and not a mother. I’ve been a 4-H leader. I’ve worked with our teen-girls youth group. I’m blessed to be an aunt to 3 awesome nephews, and 2 beautiful nieces, one of which gave me a great-nephew too! I’ve worked for the last 15 years in a university setting where I work with students training to be teachers. This past spring one of my students said this to me, ” I love how you’ve developed your life story into one in which your career ultimately focuses so heavily on flowering integral intellectual fertility within the minds of countless kids, both within Washington and beyond. ” That one got me right in the feels. All of these experiences have given me the chance to influence many more lives in my lifetime. And I love that I can watch these folks grow and prosper in their own lives. I celebrate their victories, watch them graduate, get married, and I pray with them when things get rough.

As I’ve journeyed through my 40s, I’ve felt the impact of MRKH in a variety of ways. I’ve probably experienced the most change and healing during this time. I’ve accepted that I’m a mentor and not a mother. I’ve focused my life on physical and emotional healing. I’ve had 4 surgeries (both feet and my back) that have tested my resilience. I’ve fought through depression and grieved the death of some incredible people and beloved pets. I got a full sleeve MRKH tattoo. I’ve come to rely on the grace of Jesus to get through everything life throws at me. I found other MRKH sisters just like me, and ultimately partnered with the Beautiful You MRKH Foundation to create the Courageous Project. I can’t begin to tell you difference in my life that has made. Sharing my story. Raising awareness. Meeting some incredible women – Amy, Kay, Christina, Dawn, Hailee, Ang, Britt, Erin, Jaclyn, Kristen, Jen, Barb, Chrissy, Allison, MaryBetsy, Kristen, Lizzie, Ayala, Hanah, Krystina, Elyce, Christie, Lyndsay, Lindsey, Julie, and so many others. The love that we share, the way we support each other, the hugs, the laughs, the tears…it has been, and continues to, inspire and change me.

And when I truly embraced who I was – that is when I surrendered it all to God. I’ve grown as a woman and sought to serve God’s Kingdom. I’ve launched a women’s ministry through a Facebook group of MRKH sisters – MRKH Journey through Faith and started a women’s ministry group at our church we call Ladies’ Night In. I’ve been ordained and serve as Head of the Board of Deacons for our church. I’ve completed training and been commissioned as a Stephens Minister. I’ve never been as complete and fulfilled as I am today.

30 years after learning that I had Meyer Rokitanksy Kuster Houser Syndrome, today I’m living my best life.

3 weeks post op

I’m starting to recognize that this recovery is a whole lot of ups and downs – 2 steps forward one step back.  Although, I also recognize that I am constantly  making small adjustments to what I’m doing.  While I do mostly have good days, it is the overnights that prove the biggest challenge.

First off…overnight I’m in one of two positions in bed – flat on my back with pillows under my knees  – or on my right side with knees bent, pillows between my knees and feet, and a pillow behind by back.  When I’m on my back, it’s pretty easy to keep the ice pack right where it needs to be, but after a couple hours the ice pack is no longer ice – it’s body temp.  When I’m on my side, the pillow behind my back is both for a bit of support – but also to hold the ice pack in place.  It’s the best I can do, but not the most effective for keeping the ice in place.  And of course, again it’s the melting factor.  So I’m also up several times a night.  I get stiff and uncomfortable no matter the position after a bit – and inevitably the cat wants to sleep on my feet or something which doesn’t help matters at all.  So I get up and pace the hallway to loosen up the muscles – stop at the bathroom since I’m up – pace some more – get a fresh ice pack, and back to bed.  I’m blaming it mostly on back surgery – but a 15 year old cheap mattress doesn’t help the situation I’m sure.

Inflammation is still an ongoing management issue as well.  During the day I walk quite a bit – which helps to keep the blood flowing and reduce the inflammation – or encourage it to dissipate anyway.  I do a lot of walking to the mail box and back – a couple walks in the morning, a couple in the afternoon, and one in the evening as it’s getting dark out.  If I’m in town at the winery, I take a longer walk around town every 2-3 hours.  My fitness app says I’m getting between 4500-8500 steps a day depending on what I do.  My surgeon wants at least 5000 right now.  I’m also supposed to ice my back frequently and for at least 20 minutes each time.  I try and be good about sitting down every hour or two to ice.  It’s actually a good pain management strategy too, as it decreases inflammation and increases blood flow.

My surgeon wanted me to wean off the back brace so that my muscles will gain strength.  I’m mostly off of it now – although I have been wearing it when I drive “just in case”.  It gives me just a bit of extra support as I gain confidence and get more comfortable with how to get in and out of vehicles without straining muscles or twisting my spine the wrong way.

My surgeon also has me weaning off the pain pills.  I’ve managed to reduce them to half doses every 6 hours (down from full doses every 4 hours) – which conveniently coincides with the 6 hours between muscle relaxers and the 6 hours between doses of OTC Tylenol.  I’m feeling pretty good at this level, and may start dropping the daytime doses and see how that goes.   I’m still only 3 weeks post op from major surgery – and the phrase my surgeon used was “First, you need to rest, Second you need to Ice, Third you need to walk, Fourth you need to do-but not overdo. Listen to your back.”  Seems like solid advice to me, and as I’ve said before, he has a great success rate with his surgeries.

Healing takes time and work….and rest.  But I do feel like I’m doing so much better, able to do most things around the house, and concentrate enough to do some telecommuting and help out with other projects for the winery and a few church deacon things too.  I’m trying to stay positive and be a good patient who follows directions!

Day One and The Start of Day Two

Checked into the hospital at 7:15 yesterday morning.  Filled out all the paperwork and back to the pre-op area.  Changed into the hospital gown, donned the lovely compression socks and the fleecy warm socks. They took two samples for blood typing, and started the iv in my right hand.  Bp cuffs, calves wrapped up in variable compression socks to help avoid blood clots.  Some funny commentary from my friends while we waited.

When it came time to take me back, we prayed and then off I went to the OR.  I obviously don’t remember anything that happened in the OR…before I woke up in recovery.  They had me on a morphine pain pump that I could push a dose every 8 minutes.

I munched on ice chips, and a glass of apple juice.  I ordered my dinner – chicken marsala, roasted asparagus, smashed red potatoes, and  love green salad. Then the fun started…

My equilibrium was off so I got both a walker and a gait belt to keep me from toppling.  A bit lightheaded, but I did go out and walk, then transferred back into bed.  Once i got back into bed, I could hit the pain button and got comfortable.  After I ate my yummy dinner, they gave me a muscle relaxer. and that really seemed to help.  Somewhere around midnight they switched out the morphine and we started on Percocet.  and I went on another walk down the hallway.  A bit more stable that time. I was able to get a couple hour stretches of sleep so that helped.

This morning – Day 2

5 am walk down the hallway…doc popped in to see how I was doing, I ordered breakfast, and they took my catheter out. Shift change this morning, and then my breakfast came in.  French Toast, sausage and a fruit bowl…but physical therapy came at the same so out of bed and down the hall again.  A pit stop to go pee, and then breakfast. Back in bed now as it is the most comfortable place to be.  Fairly reclined and able to stay fairly comfortable.  My pain is well managed today and I got to brush my teeth!! its the simple things.

Today I’m supposed to get up and walk a little every couple of hours – building my strength.  The plan is for me to spend one more night – to ensure I can rest and build up more strength and then discharged Wednesday.

So that is generally how I’m doing. Thank you for the continued prayers.

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